How to See Your Sins

Yea, O Lord King, grant me to see my own sins, and not to judge my brother, for blessed art Thou unto the ages of ages. Amen.

One of the defining features of Lent is the penitent prayer of St. Ephraim. It is said at every weekday service, even at the smaller office of the hours. Of the three petitions that comprise this short prayer, this final one is the most important. As the parable of the Publican and Pharisee teaches us, we can have all the virtues, but if we do not see ourselves as sinners, we are spiritually dead. By stretching us to our limits, the season of Lent trains us to see ourselves as we really are—sinners.

We might think that we have control over our stomachs, over our desires for pleasure and the good things of this life. But only when our diet is limited, without rich and sweet foods, can we see how attached we truly are. It is one thing to pass on a dessert here or there, or to spend the usual Wednesdays and Fridays without meat or dairy. But to forgo both for over 50 days will reveal how much we crave food and are enslaved to our desire for satisfying our bellies. Lent shows us, in simple and basic things, where our attachments lie and just how strong they are.

We might think that we are generally good and agreeable people. But again, Lent’s call for greater acts of almsgiving will show what parts of our hearts are still hardened. Perhaps we are stingier with our wallets than we’d care to admit when faced with those who need our help. But it is not only by money that we test out our hearts. The mercy required to forgive those who have grievously offended us, especially those who deny any wrongdoing on their part, will push us past our limits of love. Lent shows us that we need God’s grace to love and to show mercy on others, even those close to us we thought we could love easily and naturally.

Finally, we might think that we are spiritual people. We enjoy going to services on Sundays and holidays. But the increase both in the number of church services and in their length will show us how much we prefer avoiding prayer. Our thoughts can very easily provide us with all sorts of excuses for why we just can’t make it to the Wednesday Pre-Sanctified this week, or why we have too much going on to say our usual prayer rule. Again, the contest of Lent shows us that we are more uncomfortable standing before God in prayer than we imagined.

The ascetical practices of Lent—fasting, almsgiving, and prayer—aid us in seeing our sins. Just as a doctor cannot help the sick if they themselves do not know their symptoms, we too cannot be helped in the spiritual life if we do not acknowledge our faults. While it is painful, it is not a bad thing to see our sins. We must come to know ourselves. However, the Fathers tell us that merely acknowledging our sins is not enough. The indication that we truly know in our hearts that we are sinners is when we accept the trials and tribulations that God allows for us. Do we see these trials as the bitter cup sent from our loving Father to heal us of our passions and attachments, or do we refuse, resent, and react against the unfortunate circumstances in which we find ourselves—whether illness, personal failures, troubled relationships, and so forth?

Christ asks us to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Him. This is the ascetical contest of our entire life, inside or outside of Lent. By accepting the crosses He gives us, we accept that we are in fact sinners. We cannot possibly make up for the terrible things we have done in our life, the people we have hurt with whom we can no longer be reconciled, the countless times we return to our own vomit after supposedly repenting. But by accepting the trials God sends us, we acknowledge all of this—and that as sinners, we truly deserve worse. But by accepting the bitter cup, we also demonstrate trust that God sees us and knows us, and that, as the Great Physician, He can use everything that befalls us to heal us and bring us closer to Him. With this faith and trust in God, the bitter becomes sweet.

As we ask God to show us our sins and offer our own repentance, let us also remember those who have gone to their rest before us. Their contest may be over, but our Sweetest Jesus accepts prayers and alms on their behalf. Please consider the faithful departed and submit the names of your reposed loved ones using our online submission form. These names will be commemorated at every Liturgy, Pannykhida, Litia, and Matins for the Departed during the Lenten season. Our prayers for the departed are a kind of spiritual alms that helps us enter more deeply into the mystery of Christ’s death and resurrection. Purified by our Lenten labors, and more importantly by a knowledge of our sins, may we meet the Paschal feast with joy and say with renewed conviction: Christ is risen! Amen. ✠